the passing cloud.

hey sally,

theses past 2 weeks, i ve felt depressed ...but for no reason.......there was a huge grey cloud on my head. 

and depression for me is weakness....I AM NOT ALLOWING it to myself.....

 

i realise that i am putting way too much pressure on myself. i like to control my weight, my life, my wishes. my carierre!!!

AM i pressured on being skinny? and i will tell u now straight. YES! a big one. BUT ITS NOBODYS fault, just my own! IM PUTTING myself my own goals.

but in this world, we are  brainwashed by all clients and magazines and shows, and your mind tells you that being skinny is a MUST. so when you are focused on your carierre and you want to do well, you are putting pressure on yourself for Being very slim! and that requires to watch what you are eating. watching what you eat, is showing yourself you have a willpower and its gratifying.

so,when you are bony, you feel good. stomach goes in.....and this is a sense of award. all the efforts are seen. YOU TOUCH THE BONE! CONGRATS!

when i was younger and not modelling, i would hate the fact i was so skinny, i would wear a legging under my jean to make me look bigger, or wear big size sweater to cover everything, and especially the absence of BOOBS!!!! what a shame...i was eating macdonald almost everyday, if not it would be pizza hut! anyway, then i got to this agency who told me to loose a bit of weight and thats where i changed my vision. skinny became beauty. 

but now i discovered that what is HAPPY IS BEAUTY!!!!!!!

i was just reading the book HUNGRY by CRYSTAL RENN. where she explains her  eating disorder.

and how she got over it. its until she was truly happy with her body and her life that things started to work out for her, and she actually became a TOP model..even at size 12!!!! she now works with the best photographers and the best magazines! she found love and got married and still walks big runway shows like zac posen this spring summer 2011.

you can work at any size because what matters is your energy! you are giving positive energy when you feel HAPPY!!!!!the question is how and what can you do to feel happy. you will shine in the casting and you will book that job!! and have the carierre you want.

 SALLY read that book its very inspiring.!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!

as for me, i feel much better, i feel that my grey cloud has moved on

I like to control myself. , i like to be  proffessional , so i arrive on time, i go to all my castings i put all my energy into what i like doing...my job. i like to feel skinny, thats how im happy. but i need vitamins for that. ive had a month not so healthy, and unstable relationship with food. i had a lack of vitamins and brought the NO REASON CLOUD upon my head

eating is essential. vitamins is essential for good mood. vegetables, fruits,sometimes a bit of chocolate, good fats are positive energy ressources. that we do NEED for our well being and well feeling. and the rest will come along. 

  

SO what really brings you success is HAPPINESS! and this is the only thing WE HAVE TO CONTROL!

when you think about it, its great.its AMAZING 

when we feel bad or sad we have to shift our emotions.

the wind blows, and the grey cloud is gone.

kisses...

            your gilly...by the way HAPPY HALLOWEEN:)